Rav Kook - The Sun of Teshuva Meditation - The 3 Weeks - Chutzpa

The Sun of Teshuva and the Chutzpa in Our Generation

BS”D

Based on a Shiviti shiur by Sarah Prijs 7-10-20 on Orot Teshuva by Rav Kook zt”l

Teshuva is kadma m’olam
Hashem created teshuva before the world

The Zohar says
When H’ created the world
He etched the world before him
But it wouldn’t stay up until teshuva
The fact that I see something is wrong
is a proof of the geula (Maharal)

The chutzpah in in the pre-geula generation
is the desire for the deepest truth
We can look at our generation in this
positive way.

Theres a flow that is surging in the world
This is the surging of tshuva

There is a hidden place above
Which is the depth of the well
The higher and deeper

And from this place
Rivers and springs stream to every direction
And the deepest of all depths is called teshuva

Teshuva is the place of expanded awareness
of where that is
Underneath all the mistakes and beating ourselves up
And from that place
Is our lifeforce for growth

These are the streams of tshuva
From the deepest space in the well

MEDITATION SHEMESH HATESHUVA:

Find where in me
right now
is teshuva

What does teshuva
feel to me right now

What comes up in me?
What is etched out in my soul
To be able to take etching
that teshuva
To that deepest expression

The current of teshuva
is flowing an surging
So strongly in me
and in klal Yisrael
and in the world

In the dimyon / in my mind
is the waves and flames of firey heat
as within the body of the sun

Within the sun there are explosions of
Heat bubbling up
The most powerful source
This enormous current
An eternal struggle of bursting out and rising

Our inner world deeply wanting
Also meeting resistance
I my current reality

It is contained
but bursting beyond the containment
There are rays and rivers and currents
Because its so alive

And it gives forth life
To multitudes of worlds and creations
beyond our capacity
to count

All of my creativity
Look at  my life journey
Within the journey of the whole universe
Theres’ a current that is not ceasing
any time soon!

Be aware that
Part of what keeps it so strong
Is because the vision is so far
from where we are going

Somethings so sweet
about the firey-ness of the sun
Something that is not able to be contained
but is trying to be contained

Like the neshama
Contained in the guf
It tries to expand out of itself

Sometimes we have to tune it down
But… What can my world look like?

Rambam says fasting
is to wake up the neshama
The desire for that world that is
sometimes is muted a bit
Don’t be scared to yearn for
something so deeply
that is not here yet.

There is no strength
to absorb the magnitude
of the many different colors
of this huge sun force within us
Illuminating the worlds

The sun of teshuva
The enormous light of teshuva
Why is it constantly bursting forth?
The yearning is so big
It surges so fast
The current is so strong
Because of its wonderous speed

Why is it so strong?
Because that innermost voice
that sees the vision so deep?
It is coming directly from H’
The lifeforce of all worlds

The whole spectrum of time
Is one constricted form of its light
The power of our ratzon
Of wanting our idealism
Wanting so much more
In that space
Its sometimes scary
because we don’t know what to do with it

SHEMESH HATESHUVA
This current is keeping us alive
Towards geula
Choose
how much you are willing to be part of it
as co-creator

The world will always go to the tachlit
We have a choice whether we tap in to it
And co-create
Or whether we will resist it
Are we going to be kicking and screaming
Or are we opening up to where we are going
Struggle and resisting
or going deeper

Teshuva is happening
And flowing

The Tikkun of tammuz is vision

Being willing to be a aware of the shichka: t
he darkenness;  the forgetfulness

Torah nefashot
Every letter is the Torah of Am yisrael
Every osios / hebrew letter
When we are zoche
We awaken our true soul the truth of ourselves
Those moments when we tap into Torah

This individual and collective soul:
The neshama that is this
worldly and other worldly

Like an Aryeh / lioness that is giving birth
In birth pangs screaming out
The most deepest powerful screech
For full perfection
For the ideal reality

This image of
What comes out with birth
That resistance
You yearn so deeply
And yet your stuck in your emotions and negative thought patterns
Look at the externals
That’s the scream
And being met with something
of what I don’t want it to be
The pain is the scream
And wanting it so badly
The Neshama is light

We should get up in the morning
and be strong like a lion
Rav kook describes
The imagery of a lion being trapped in a cage
Roaring to get out
Because it knows it’s the melech
and so strong

This is the screams of the
birth pangs of the lioness
For the ideal reality
We are feeling the pains
In a world so far from the vision

Even tho the pains of this birth
In and of itself is the cleansing

When we are willing to feel the pain
To have the signs of aveilut
To actually feel the pain
Our neshamas knowing theres so much more
Willing to go there that sweetens all our business

When we mute down our neshama
Its quieter and easier to live with
But then there’s a resentment
the bitterness

What does my neshama really yearn for?
The burning
In the pain

We sense the clarity
This is something I want to be in pain about
I am happy to experience this pain
Its impossible to express
the desire for the deepest heavens
There are no words to express the desire for geula
We are bringing H’s consciousness into the world
Literally doing a tikkun – the reason we are hear
We are meditating on the names
This is us meditating on our names

We start with the nekuda
The sound comes from our depth
When we start building up
When we yearn for something more ideal
We are bringing the pnimius in the world
New heaven and earth
Within that point is stored new heavens and eath
Within that yearning

We are accessing enormity
Starting with the scream, the nekuda
Then we give it form
With the osios
And worlds are being reveled
And adding worlds
Levels of creating
Serene and joyous
Filled with the joy of the oneness of HKBH

Chedva
is the experience
To go into the darkness
and extract the good
And receive a deeper light

When we are willing to feel the paradox of both
We are bringing out the pnimius of worlds

Think of deeper worlds
The Inner worlds being opened up
New awarenesses and consciousness
being created

Serenity
The clarity of pain / and happy to be in that pain
The clarity of emet

Theres a joy
What I’m doing now
is elevating the world
Bringing it to whole-ness
Shaleim
Willingness to come together
In the ultimae truth

The neshama goes on its process
Of becoming ever closer
This is the pulse of the neshama
Moving through the reality

Lets shift our language from Contrction > Surge
The Surge is whats coming up
Contractions are what we are in now

Chevlei moshiach
We can focus on the resistence
Whats this surge?
You’ve just shifted your focus
Meyeched yichudim

Let go
Doing the hishtadlut
How muh am I going to let it happen
Its not a negative pain!

Some people numb the pain of birthing
But some wouldn’t trade in the rishimu of
The fiery pain of the passageway opening
at the moment of birth

Give space for both realities
Let go
And give space to knowing
we are not there
yet

Its our neshama ALIVE AND moving

The 3 weeks

Mishenichnas AV MATIm bsimcha
Face the ma’at of the world with simcha
Not the simcha that we are in the ideal
The simcha of being in pain about the right things

Rav Hirsch: When we are numbing down is atzvut

Simcha is willing to feel
The conflict of both sides
To be happy we are feeling the conflict
Thank Gd we are feeling the conflict

We need to be able to go into the 3 weeks
With the surges inside of me and the world yearning to go further

Meyechud haychudim
Bringing the geula
Our tefilla:
That HKBH should give us the capacity

Not be scared of the darkness
To be present with it
With the deepest yearning for so much more

To be willing to go with both
to be willing to say
I am willing to be mevatel / to nullify my ego
in all of my highest spaces
To go into galut
And find You there too

Trust
H’ you know what You’re doing

And when I feel the pain
I find H’ there too
No matter what we are seeing
We are seeing H’
SHIKCHA (forgetfulness)  = choshech (darkness) = Unconsciousness

The Chutzpa we are seeing in the world now
are people who are no longer
ready with half truths

They are not willing to see the details
Society is crumbling
No!
They are searching for so much deeper!

May we be zoche to go into the 3 Weeks actively yearning for geula