60th / Samach Seudat Hodaya
with gratitude - Rachel Leah

8 TEVET

This is a seudat hadaya- for all of us
A Collective story of gratitude

Hashgacha pratis
Thank all the princesses of Israel for being here
Thank you Nomi for hosting this beautiful gathering
Dayeinu...

I am im Israel …dayienu
my son and family are here…
I have the most wonderful friends in Yerushalayim area…
and we are all here together… dayeinu

My 60th birthday
60= samech
The embrace of 2 hands forming a circle
Becoming whole
A merging of left and right,
Chochma / bina
Chesed / gevurah
Netzach / hod
Rochel consciousness / leah consciousness
Tohu / tikkun souls
Sovev / mimale consciousness.

The sefarim say that the word Teves is from the word tov, “good”,
because Hashem is entirely good and does only good and kindness to His Creation.
The light of Chanukah enters into Teves
and it can draw blessing into the rest of the year.

This shabbos morning
i saw a reflection of samech in my glasses
a psychodelic samech
with moving circles within circles
in holographic 3 dimensions

We made aliya on the 8 tishrei
15 months ago
Hodaya laliyah
Everyone here encouraged me to be here
and made it possilbe

I dont have to chase the light anymore.
The light is in here. in my Heart
Leah Imeinu said, after Yehuda was born
now i have the light … give me more

ALIYAH
I would like to say this is a nes
We had no money
What are we going to do?
I decided to make friends
With holy rebbetzins and teachers
And make retreats
I felt i was being lifted and guided in the ananei hakavod

Everywhere i go
I am surrounded by melachim
Hashem sends me melachim
Yesterday I was telling rochel bracha
that she was our malach for driving us
We got in a small accident, that wasn’t an accident
She said we protected her

The day before
I was bringing a women to the mikvah
Someone said you are so calm and have so much emunah
Thats because I am currently surrounded by 2 melachim

Right away after our avoda of lighting the chanukia
And starimg at the ohr haganus
Liba and nechama sara and 2 other women
last week at our Chanuka workshop were just staring
With shevach and hodaya
To the Melech chai haolamim

I walk this aretz
Every morning i wake up
And look out my window to tye sunrise
every evening
I run to my western view over meron
And see the sunset
Are there any words?

Are there any words to express our thsnks
Thank you Hashem for saving me from the pit
The lowest of the low
With the ananei hakavod

There not enough words
Compared to what i want to say to Hashem
How can you contain it

I was chasing the light most of my life
Even if you feel you are lacking
I had to learn for 30 years
To find simcha
In the place of lacking
Until finally i found the light
Here is Hashem
If we can tap into our neshama
Speak to the shechina with in

Seuda hodaya
As we are sitting here
Still with the warm rishimu of the ohr haganuz
Of chanuka
Mamash close to har habayit
In this beautiful. Home
My son and daughter in law and granddaughter
Atara Yehudis
Are down the street - for shabbos!
Atara crown keter
Yehudis hodaya
She was named after her great great gramdmother a survivor of audchwitz
Thanks and gratutitude
Lets take a moment to connect

Our atara
Our crown
The light of the ohr makif
Surrounding us
In this circle of nashim tzidkaiot
Comimg
Stop to thank hashem from that deep place deep
Bina liba

Up to nostrils
Arikh anpin
Smell is higher than speech
Oil
Feel the inspiration AFTER
Right after chanukah
We are meeting here

Our neshamas are tired of the disconnection
The neshama knows we need to tap into the ohr haganuz
That we received on kislev / chanuka
Which is the implanted seed for
The next 9 months of conception

With humility / Hod
its happenings now

my birthday story…
This gathering is totally against my nature
I never made my own birthday party before.
I was too busy feeling sorry for myself, rejected, or attached to one story or another about my worth.

I was born jan 3 1963
My parents called me their “moshiach”
As I was born after the death of a brother who was niftar at the age of 5
I was very spoiled, was showered in love and attention and the center of their universe
But then the reality of the ouside world hit…

My birthday was most often forgot about by most of my friends and family
Except my mom and dad
Because I was born 2 days after new years day and
By the time everyone woke up from their holiday hang over
My bday had already passed

1 HACHNAA
So I spent alot of my life
caught up in figuring out my existential reality
Am I important or not
Am I worthy of being remembered or not
What is my place?
This is hachnaa, a humbling experience of feeling alone and abandoned and forgotten
Ie. Diminished and small
This is our collective story

2 Havdala
I decided somewhere in my 20s or 30s that its not worth it
Its better not to have expectations and not get disappointed
My birthday is just another day
No big deal just another day
Crush the yearning for connection
Crush the yearning
Separate from the potential fallout: pain, failure, dissapointment
My children and husband made a big bday celebration for me the year before I made aliya
And it was nice and beautiful and sweet
And I was totally grateful
However I no longer needed it
To feel regognized, validated, worthy, important,
Because I realized
Hashem is with me, I have the light. I don’t need to chase it, lack it. Be desparate
Because it is already here…


3 Hamtaka
I decided a few days ago, since I just happen to be in Yerushalayim
Because my son is here from lakewood for shabbat
And I looked on the calendar
And it just happened to be my birthday
That maybe moetzei shabbos would be a good time
To connect
And bring my friends together
To give Hashem nachas ruach
So I asked one friend, a mashpia, to lead a meditation for a few friends
She agreed and I was so honored to have the zechus to be together with her on my birthday
She couldn’t make it … but Hashem had planted the seed in my head
So one thing lead into the other and here we are…

On the way here, my malach, rachel bracha was driving and we were talking about this
It came out that this event was very much a tikkun for me
An opportunity to break through my story
I realized that I had to go through the crushing of ego
To go through a biror and bitul
To be able to feel worthy to have this gathering.
Not worthy because of anything I did.
But worthy because Hashem deems me worthy because He
Decided to bring me into this world on tevet 8
And every moment decides that I am important in this world
Because he is constantly sustaining me and breathing His chiyus into me

Rachel bracha said,
But you are making the effort
There must be a reward

Yes im looking for connection, but specifically lshem shamayim,
to glorify Hashem’s name.
with hodaa, hod, humility and netzach
________________________________________

Antigonus ish Socho
Wed I was at the kever of a tzadik Antigonus ish zocho. Whose kever is in the backyard of my close friend Alison, in Tzfat.
We were davening and reflecting there
In my hisbodedus I looked at the pasuk that was written over the cave
I had an inkling that it would be a deep message as to why I had to be there…

‎אַנְטִיגְנוֹס אִישׁ סוֹכוֹ קִבֵּל מִשִּׁמְעוֹן הַצַּדִּיק
Antigonus ish Socho received from Shimon Hatzadik
. הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אַל תִּהְיוּ כַעֲבָדִים הַמְשַׁמְּשִׁין אֶת הָרַב עַל מְנָת לְקַבֵּל פְּרָס
He used to say: do not be like servants who serve the master in the expectation of receiving a reward,

, אֶלָּא הֱווּ כַעֲבָדִים הַמְשַׁמְּשִׁין אֶת הָרַב שֶׁלֹּא עַל מְנָת לְקַבֵּל פְּרָס
. but be like servants who serve the master without the expectation of receiving a reward,

, וִיהִי מוֹרָא שָׁמַיִם עֲלֵיכֶם
and let the fear of Heaven be upon you.

Its all your intention / kavana…
Is it bshaim Hashem
To shine his light
To be a tzelem elokim
Practicing the 13 middos of rachamim
as Devorah Hadassa and I are learning in Tomer Devorah

This is gathering is a Creative act
Emanating the Borei Olam, creating a loving bond between us
I am sharing with you
An overflowing of love that I was receiving before and especially now
on my bday

this gathering is Something so great
so much bigger than our individual neshamas
It is so otherworldly
And geuladik
Its hard to have words for it

HEXAGON
look at the beehive
the hexagon is the perfect merging of a circle and a square
the perfect shape to fit as much as possible with no wasted space
the bee is the only non kosher animal that produces and kosher food
this is the yichud of consciousness

Make a circle now
Look in each others eyes
we need each other to do this
by realizing how everything,
even our own efforts and every act of every created being, is really all the Creator’s light.

… At the root of all roots, all lights and containers (oros and kelilim) are the same root.
It is just that ohr (light) is the manifestation of rachamim,
Hashem’s compassion, whereas the kli (container) is the manifestation of din, Hashem’s judgment.
But it is all one.

60
Samech
I held my daughters as they gave birth to my granddaughters
Let me hold you while you are birthing
Our lights work together
we help each other to open

To access consciousness, deepen breath
Take in shefa
Pause
Bina liba

My mom. Liba bracha

We are all linked together
Theres a place where we all meet

Tevet has the capacity of combining
My neshama has the capacity
Beyond values, beyond understanding
In the space where we all are one

This is the Meeting space of the soul
We don’t need to fight with the darkness anymore
We just are learning how to shine more light

When I see someone
get deeper
by looking at someone
find The meeting point of heaven and earth
That we bask in each other experiences
Bring out the light in each other
That they may not even know about themselves

the light and d’veykus has been drawn into the rest of the year.
Sovev: is the lights of the Menorah ; merging blending surrounding
Memale: the light of Memale (are the lights of the menora

*There are souls who can contemplate the level of Memale but not Sovev, and vice versa. This causes the souls to argue and be at odds with each other, and with this split, the sitra achra is able to take hold and gain control.*

The main revelation her is the the concept of connecting together yichudim
*which is really the light of Memale, with the light of Sovev.

After Chanukah
We Ascend from the lights
Sovev col almin
Memalei kolalmid
To Reveal “Yachid”
At the completion of Chanukah, we rise from
the level of actively doing mitzvos, and we ascend to the level of higher mochin

. After we have done the mitzvah, we can then ascend to the next level within the act of the mitzvah,
its eternal aspect that will remain with us long
after the lights have has finished.
That is why now, after Chanukah, we need to take all the 8 days

and to understand that the purpose is to become integrated
samech
become integrated in the yichud (unity)
of the Creator,

but first it is preceded with recognizing Him as One (Echad).
Then we can then rise to the level of recognizing Him as Yachid (Individual),
which is the ability to view, the level of daas, and then we can have the zechus of the rishimu of the kedusha of Chanukah, the unity of “two kings sharing one crown”.

Through this, everything becomes illuminated with light
and everything becomes good.
Binah is the efforts of the human being to to be avadim of our creator
That is the greatest good we can reveal, by realizing how everything,
even our own efforts and every act of every created being, is really all the Creator’s light.
____

Using The Light of Chanukah & Divesting Oneself From The World
Every person must strengthen himself a lot of during these days,
because the light of Chanukah is still shining [in the month of Teves],
and that gives the power to infuse all these days with kedush.

Through the kedusha of the orot of the Menorah that were lit on Chanukah,
We have gained a certain koach
To live in the place of yichud (Hashem’s unity with all the worlds)
in the innermost depths of out heart,
to be connected to the inner daas (mature perspective) of
shivit Hashem knegdi tamid
“I place Hashem opposite me, constantly”,
To the place of hishtavut
to turn to the Borei olam at all times
in the depths of our heart, deep down,
which is the unified level of Memale and Sovev
It is such a deep place that it’s impossible to understand it.
which is silent and with no audible words
It is “I am prayer”, Ani tefilati
or the Shechinah

these two months, Teves and Shevat, are the darkest months, and because of this, the Jewish people long and yearn to fly to the upper worlds,
during these days we receive mochin, to fly to Hashem with ahava and yira love of Him,
to be connected to Elokut with every letter of the Torah and every part of our being

our tzaddikim revealed
that if a person was not worthy of fixing everything by zot Chanukah.
Through fixing one’s spiritual vision, one can repair everything.

By viewing all people with a good eye,
viewing them in a positive light.

Everyone can then see his avodas Hashem in a precious light,
and he can also see the avodah of his friend
that is shining and precious in the eyes of the Creator.

lets ascend to the next level, above our story
the eternal aspect will remain with us for the whole year
long after the mitzvah has finished