Ratzo Vshav on Desire for Love
I was learning Vayikra Parashat Kedoshim 19; 23-25 this morning and then right after learning, listened to Shuli’s Meditation on “Teshuva With Love” Whatsapp chat re: “Run & Return on Desire for Love”. The juxtaposition of my learning and then hearing the meditation was remarkable as I realized they both were about “CIRCUMCISING THE HEART. We learned that there are 3 places in the Torah that mention the word Orlah ערל
Brit Milah
Forbidden fruits of the first years
Circumcise your heart
The posuk 23says : שָׁנִ֗ים יִהְיֶ֥ה לָכֶ֛ם עֲרֵלִ֖ים לֹ֥א יֵאָכֵֽל׃ When you enter the land and plant any tree for food, you shall regard its fruit as forbidden. Three years it shall be forbidden for you, not to be eaten.
Rashi comments: וערלתם ערלתו את פריו meant lit., you shall close its closing (regard it as enclosed): the meaning being that it shall be, as it were, closed up and barred so that no benefit may be derived from it.
Meaning Orla is a word of CLOSING / BLOCKING
And then, posuk 24בַשָּׁנָה֙ הָרְבִיעִ֔ת יִהְיֶ֖ה כָּל־פִּרְי֑וֹ קֹ֥דֶשׁ הִלּוּלִ֖ים לַיהוָֽה׃ In the fourth year all its fruit shall be set aside for jubilation before the LORD. Rashi says: The fruit in the fourth year: And this very thing הלולים לה׳, is A PRAISE OF THE LORD, for he takes it there (to Jerusalem) to praise and to laud G–d in Heaven, and the following verse ties it all together 25: וּבַשָּׁנָ֣ה הַחֲמִישִׁ֗ת תֹּֽאכְלוּ֙ אֶת־פִּרְי֔וֹ לְהוֹסִ֥יף לָכֶ֖ם תְּבוּאָת֑וֹ אֲנִ֖י ק׳ אֱלֹקיכֶֽם׃and only in the fifth year may you use its fruit—that its yield to you may be increased: I the LORD am your God. Rashi comments: להוסיף לכם תבואתה AND IN THE 5TH YEAR SHALL YOU EAT THE FRUIT THEREOF THAT IT MAY YIELD UNTO YOU ITS INCREASE — This command (of ערלה and נטע רבעי, fruit of the fourth year) which you observe will result in its giving you its produce in larger quantities. Because as a reward for it (for the fulfillment of My command) I shall bless for you the fruit of the plantation.
R. Akiba used to say: “The Torah says this because it has man’s evil inclination in mind: that one should not say, "Behold, for four years I must take trouble with it for nothing!" Scripture therefore states that the result of your obedience will be that it will give you its produce in larger quantities (Sifra, Kedoshim, Section 39).
אֲנִ֖י יְק אֱלֹקיכֶֽם meaning “I am H-shem.” I see what you are doing and what you are eating and what you are thinking and what you are saying. I am with you in your observance of my mitzvos and YOU will be rewarded with abundance. This can be applied to our learning here on our Avodas HaLev. This process Shuli describes in the meditation below IS THE PROCESS OF CIRCUMCISING OUR HEARTS. The situation and process we choose was created BY DESIGN with the need to be circumcised. UNBLOCKED. UNSEALED. REVEALING H’ … By our CHOICE to submit to Him
Submit our ego / self / natural feelings
The tree was created to bear fruit the first 4 years in order for us to RESIST OUR NATURAL DESIRE, TO EAT FROM ITS FRUIT… According to Rabbi Akiva, We are promised that the result of our obedience we will be given produce in larger quantities!
The baby boy was born with an foreskin for us to CHOOSE to do the mitzvah of brit milah…
We were created with the yetzer hara, natural feeling / orbital cortex / amigdala / nefesh beheima / teva rishon…
in order to FIX / METAKEN/ UNSEAL / EXPAND which is BROKEN / SEALED / CLOSED / CONSTRICTED and therefore as a reward we will experience expanded consciousness of the Shechina within / our true self / teva Sheini / nefesh Elokus which is EXPANSIVE / CONNECTED / SHELEIMUS / AT ONE WITH HKB”H
As Shuli writes, These inner dialogues that take one second to resolve when shared sound so heavy and unhealthy.. we are exposing the process together, (vidui in a sense) so we can experience the opportunity to run and return, and not be sideswiped by lurking messages from the (Orlah ערל) void and darkness concealing / blocking / stopping the closeness and existence of H-shem in our soul and in the world.
There is constant love flowing (from a pipeline) from Hashem which is available to us… We are the channel of bracha and abundance, but only if we prepare ourselves as vessel to receive / mekabel.
Getting caught up / stuck ONLY presents itself to us as an OPPORTUNITY TO RATZO VSHAV, perform as Knesset Yisrael, and it is NOT beyond us because He is doing all the heavy lifting. We RECOGNIZE, CONFESS, AND WILL (express our Ratzon)
EXPOSING THE MESSAGE is so we see the messages naturally stemming from LACK & PRIDE that conceal / BLOCK/ CLOSE / IMPRISON The Shechina in exile.
When we view ourselves as an emanation of Knesset Yisrael and when the negativity arises, no matter how familiar are the clouds that block our heart and mind… When we cling with Emunah to Hashem with the awareness that He is doing everything, we realize the message is coming to be HEALED / METAKEN. And when we strengthen our Emunah and allow the feelings to surface and purge into His Love, WE THEN MOVE FORWARD WITH A FRESH (CIRCUMCISED) HEART!!!
… as we don’t falling into the false beliefs about ourselves thru Emunah in Hashem and His design of Knesset Yisrael.
MEDITATION: A FEELING OF NOT BEING LOVED
by Shuli Kleinman
A feeling of not being loved
Blockage of the flow of love
How far back does it go
I’m experiencing construction / blockage of love
There’s a a gap in what I’m feeling and the Emes. My true self. My neshama Sheini
That is One with H’ and pure love and Emes
The lifeforce is trapped and attached to sheker
The life force is only there to serve H’ with love
I’m focusing on the rachamim and essence of the message I’m feeling in my body (heart)
I’m showering the compassion in my heart that H’ is giving me that has gotten trapped, that’s animating it
I believe to nefesh Elokis will draw forth the life force that got trapped there.
That life force is the Shechina in exile
The neshama you’ve given me which is an emanation if You
I’m Opening it up...
Looking only at the surrounding power
It’s hardened dark / stuck and cloudy.
Fire / anger / hurt
Trying to defend my life force
Saying that it’s justified in being stuck
I’m pausing and not saying those hurtful thing because they are
The outgrowth of something false
They are not my core essence
Trapped / attached there
I want to Shower that with compassion
Attach it back to you with a mitzvah
Torah / Chesed
It’s very scary
Because the messages feel alive
they feel like me and they are very hurtful
I’m focusing on the force
Because those are defense abs coping mechanisms that were an outgrowth of LABELS and MESSAGES That I developed to guide me so that I could be more
SUCCESSFUL in getting the love that I needed while attaching to my parents and those important to me at the time
From the orbital cortex
This Emunah abd truth that H’ loves me
I have the courage to believe
Now
That H’ is loving me
And I am lovable
That I have Value
Because I am an emanation of H’
The messages that my soul is animating are outgrowths
Of the garments / circumstances of my life
And I am NOT the garments or the CIRCUMSTANCES
the life force is pure
The soul that H’ has given me is pure
One inseparable
As long as I’m alive
The pain of the messages
Is something H’ is in pain about because part of the life soul he has given me is TRAPPED IN THOSE MESSAGES
The Shechina is on the pain of what I’m feeling
Because in this moment the highest part of my soul is aware of H’s presence and is experiencing pleasure with H’ in that purity
The Shechina has agreed to be in the messages
In that darkness in order to give ME REAL FREE WILL
I CAN BEAR TO HEAR THE MESSAGES
because I’m no longer IN the messages
I’m no longer being bounced back and forth between the LACK and the PRIDE
BUT RATHER IM SAFE
in the pleasure of knowing
That I’m attached to HKBH
AND aware the Shechina is there experiencing this pain
As it’s Coming through my body
In order to give me the opportunity to have real free will
and to redeem this part of my soul
the shechina in exile
and then unify my soul
and H-shems name
with a mitzva (through a prayer, blessing, learning Torah, chesed)
Seeing that in this very moment I am in Your arms
and loved by you
by the very fact of my existence
is hopeful
and gives me the courage
to GIVE TO THE SHECHINA IN EXILE
the part of my soul that got TRAPPED HERE
A BESTOWING OF THE FEELING OF PLEASURE
That little bit of light
Please ENTER INTO THIS DARK PLACE
(TELL H’ THE PAINFUL FEELINGS / MESSAGES)
I dont want my soul to go any more into this darkness
and I beg you for rachamim!!!
that what got attached there
BEFORE WHAT I COULD UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR CONSTANT PRESENCE AND LOVE FOR ME
restore that
and allow it to flow into the mitzvah that I am about to be doing
Please give me back this part of my soul that got trapped there, the shechina in exile
Moving forward to do the mitzvah
Im clinging to the Torah,
nullifying the fiery sense of self
the self defense that is telling me that
I HAVE TO FEEL MYSELF
AND STICK UP FOR MYSELF
ITS SO HORRIBLE
ITS NEVER GOING TO END
all of that storm is powered only by part of my soul that
got
LABELED / LAUGHED AT / HURT / REJECTED
By people who were “powerful”
imperfect
all BY DESIGN
H’ DESIGNED IT
H’ Agreed to be put in that place
Just to give me this moment of free will
to recognize theres no other power
to shower compassion upon it
to ask for mercy / rachamim
and to take ALL OF WHAT IM FEELING
AND TO MOVE FORWARD
Even though Im helpless
and have 0% control
Im pulling together
all the LIGHT IN MY MIND
AND MOVING FORWARD WITH THE KAVANA
OF THIS MITZVAH…
(PERMORM A MITZVAH)
notice all the messages, laughing, recognize them for the NEXT TIME
NOT TO FALL into them
but to recognize
that I will have to do this
RATZO VSHAV
UNTIL ALL THE PARTS OF MY SOUL that got trapped there
are redeemed
As far as the circumstances,
I have no idea right now
how I am going to resolve the situation
but I know that H-shem know whats good
and He loves me
and this situation is totally up to HKBH
and if for some reason I have merited to
continue to have this challenge
then its for the good
AND I ACCEPT IT
I AM NOT BROKEN
I can still do mitzvos
WITH LOVE in my heart
with complete trust in HKBH
Because there’s no other power
its H’ who is undergoing the pain
because my soul is never detatched
it is in constant contact with awareness that H’
who is doing everything
and everything is happening
so I have REAL FREE WILL to break through this
to RUN AND RETURN
WITH LOVE IN MY HEART
WITH AWE IN THE DESIGN
in the hopes that I am able to balance the midda
and in so doing
H’ is able to draw the fallen sparks
though this channel
that Im creating in my heart and mind
in a way that He designs
and that i dont understand
a light should come into the world
with the mitzvas that i am doing
in a manner that H’ alone understands
how this impacts the world
that I should have the zchus to be that CHANNEL
27 Cheshvan 5780
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