The Creative Professional: Transcending Ego
Creativity Summit Sept 14 2022 / 18 Elul
ROCHEL LEAH WEIMAN
Watch: thenexus.org/riseintoyourcrown3 ; Day 9
I am my prayer / I am my art
First I would like to say, Yashar koach to Rebbetzin Tamar for conceiving this summit. It’s a hisorerus, an awakening and its bringing so much light into the world. We can tell this is being done with b’kdusha because it has brought an incredible chibur (a connection) a hiskallelus between people. Each woman is celebrating each other’s successes, talents, and uniqueness. The achdus and hiskashrus happening here is a big kiddush HaShem. I would like to say it has been a zchus to be part of the summit team and give a huge Yashar Koach, Esther Leah and Miriam Leah of Atara and Darcie Davida supporting our presenters.
When Tamar approached me, some months ago to direct the next summit, my initial reply was “there’s no way I can possibly get involved in such a huge project right now. After all, I am still in my first year of making Aliya BH – its so all-consuming and I’m way too busy right now. And then she said “Well, this Summit will be on Women, Art and Bringing Creativity out of Exile… huh?
…then I perked up… Did I hear creativity, art, women, exile? There was a few second pause. And In that few second pause, glimpses of my life flashed before my mind. And then I heard myself saying, “Ok, I’ll do it”. Why? Because THIS is the story of my life.
The story of my life has been the centered around 3 main themes:
1 Art/ creativity
2 Torah
3 raising a Bayis Neeman BYisrael, a Jewish Family.
All my life’s decisions have always been focused on how to balance and integrate all these parts of self.
At various points in my life this has been a real nisayon… an almost insurmountable test… and a seemingly impossible juggling act
So in preparation for tonight’s talk about art and ego, I did a lot of cheshbon hanefesh/ personal accounting… and I asked myself a few questions. So I will begin by asking each one of you these 3 questions, so we can explore this idea together:
1. What is your first experience with creativity… art, music, drama, writing? What did you create? And why?
2. What is your experience with your artform in connection with feelings of ego (envy and competition, jealousy)?
3. If you were on a desert island, And yours were the the only eyes to see your art, And the only ears to hear your music, Then is your art worth it? Yes or no?
As far back as I remember my self, I was tapped into my creative side. My first pieces of artwork were birthday cards for my parents and grandmothers. I remember getting showered with an abundance hugs and compliments, praise and attention. They were my expressions of love. My inner child found this way of communicating my desire for connection.
When I was about 10 years old, I became an entrepreneur and was painting the neighborhood garbage cans with all sorts of cute pictures of animals and flowers. I charged $10 a barrel, to beautify the ugly metal garbage aligning our neighborhood front lawns. They were pride and joy.
When I was 16 I became a professional sign painter, following in my grandfathers footsteps, Dovid HaLevi, who I was told, owned a signshop in Boston in the 1920’s. This was my after school job for 3 years, while my friends were babysitting and working in McDonalds. The signs around town became my pride and joy.
Where in the Torah do we learn about sharing our talents and creativity?
Chazal teaches us in Pirke Avos gimel:zayin, Ten lo misheloתֶּן לוֹ מִשֶּׁלּוֹ, שֶׁאַתָּה וְשֶׁלְּךָ שֶׁלּוֹ
Give to Him of that which is His, for you and that which is yours is His
How do you give your art, your creative expressions back to Hashem? (write it down)
Everything is hashem. So maybe we can ask ourselves, by the act of this creation (my artwork, writing, dance, song, dinner, challah … Have I changed at all from works of my creation?
Where did this spark of inspiration come from?
There was a time in my life that these sparks of inspiration were very scary for me… as it was totally hidden from me that these downloads , great lights of creativity were actually from Hashem. As an 18 year old, I came from a small New England farm town to attend Art College in the Big Apple. It was a vulnerable time when I was coming into my adult consciousness and womanhood, I experienced tremendous forces of inspiration and creativity through all the various art disciplines being taught to me by the most famous creative professionals from around the world. I was intensely exposed to their theories and the hashkafa of my college which was “Art for Art’s sake”. I spent the 4 years of my “higher” education there trying to peel away the layers and arriving at the emes of what is art? And for who’s sake is it?
At the age of 21 I had my first gallery exhibit in Soho, entitled Winds of Solitude. The exhibit consisted of my Poetry and Photography that reflected my Junior year abroad … in searching of my soul and its mission… in of all places, the hightest place of the arts… Vienna, Austria. While on independent study and photo journaling around the Austria I was consumed and became slightly obsessed, with discovering the meaning of my Jewishness. And there in the art museums, cafes, opera house, ballet theater, and the walls of the cathedrals …. I searched for the answers to my main dilemma in life… the holocaust… I interviewed photographed wrote and delved into the depth of this city, for the root and reason the Nazis came to power. There, I found my identity.
B”H when I returned to New York I met my husband and became a Baalas Teshuva. He helped me to understand that this flow of creativity was coming through me to to discover Hashem.
He helped me discover the answer I was seeking,
Zeh kEli ve’anvehu.
As we were coming out of Mitzrayim, that place of constriction, immediately after Krias Yam Suf , Moshe and Bnei Yisroel say "Zeh Keli V'anvehu - This is my G-d and I will glorify Him" (Shemos 15, 2 ) The interpretation of the Targum is that "v'anvehu" refers to the construction of a home for the Shechina…. a response of love. After experiencing the miraculous event of kindness bestowed upon them, Moshe and Bnei Yisroel yearn to remain close to Hashem.
Miriam and the women reflected this with a song and a Circle Dance with tambourines… as an expression of their intense love for Hashem that was kindled at that moment. This was a creativity at its core! And here today , the finale of the Summit, which is perfectily entitled MIriams Circle dance, we continue to express this love that began on the shore of the Yam Suf.
Pause to breath [PAUSE]
My creativity took an unexpected turn as I unconsciously just stopped creating art, and immersed myself in being a Jewish Mother. When my oldest child was 4, my professional career began anew when I got my first full-time job as a graphic designer in the PR department of YU. It was a perfect job for me, as it fulfilled my creative outlet, while providing parnossa for my growing family. However, by nature, like most other creatives, I wasn’t such a 9-5woman! It was tough, especially with a small child …. And I had to develop the skills to move fast in the world, and develop creativity on demand. To design… posters, ads, magazines, publications.. even when I was not feeling particularly creative or inspired.
Its hard to feel inspired when, I can’t find a babysitter, my child is sick, I have guests coming for Shabbos, and it’s a day before pesach. It’s the skillset acquired by rising above being needy for the light, needy for the connection, and needy for inspiration… because its constantly there…. in the ohr makif. Hashems presence In our surrounding light. The kedusha is hidden in this physical reality. This is the awareness of malchus and an experience of herchavat hadaat, expanded consciousness.
This was the beginning of a couple of decades as design professional. Hashem orchestrated it as a playing field for me … of the process sifting out my ego from my art. It was a school for developing the art of listening … to the still small voice within, the kol dmma daka, and to the messages Hashem is sending me in those dark places.
As an Art professional, I had to develop the humbling art of hachnaa, submission to my superiors. In order for my sensitive, empathic ,natural self to survive in that world of art, I had undergo a process hachnaa while being able to listen to the voices of criticism, and a daily schedule critique of my designs from my various managers and bosses, while trying to maintain my equilibriam. Hashem has given me extreme nisayonot in this area. The path was often harsh, insensitive, unkind, demoralizing and diminishing.
It was then, 25 years ago, when I was learning Chavos Halevavos in my first chabura with my teachers, Rebbetzin Lerner a”H and Rebbetzin Borchardt ad meya vesrim shana, when I came across a line that popped out at me in black and white, which literally has been my life saver throughout all these years… through of a lot of drama and tears… to arrive to this state of consciousness which Rabbi Bachya describes as hishtavus, equilibrium.
To become the person who can attain this state of tranquility and calmness. He writes, “It makes no difference to the humble, well-balanced person whether he or she is praised or insulted by others. His or Her self-esteem comes from within herself.” those words were ingrained and displayed beside me in my cubicle at work at all times.. I davened for years that one day that I would be zoche to be this person. It guided me to the reality of: I am my prayer / I am my art.
BH after becoming familiar with pnimus Torah, and having been gifted with teachers like Rebbetzin Tamar, and choshuv mashpias who have presented her in this summit, Rebbetzin Chana Bracha Siegelbaum, Nechama Sarah Burgman, Reva Emunah Seidel, and with the support of many from my soul family of the Elevation Project & Rav Doniel Katz, I came to realize, that these challenges were designed by the Creator specifically for ME. And!!! Not only that… This was one of the greatest Brachas in my life.
Hashem has guided me with skills of how to use the my talents, that He has blessed me with, to become closer to Tzelem Elokim, in the image of Hashem, Our Borei Olam, the Creator of the Universe,
I learned in my chaburas, especially with Rabbi Yakov Zalman Labinsky, that true humility comes from an acute awareness of our own potential for greatness, from our inner Elokut. Just like the ahfar / the earth doesn't concern itself with all who are trampling on it, or with all those who take it for granted and pay no attention to it, because it is "aware" of its vast potential to produce bountiful crops, so, too, does a humble person pay no attention to the attention or lack thereof paid to her by others, because she is so focused on her great potential which she has yet to achieve. And, in this way, humility / anava actually brings us to hishtavuts, tranquility.
Hashem brought us together because we are Am Yisrael, a family and we are here to support each other on our journeys together. In the MIriam Circles in our lives we are becoming transformed. We all have Miriam within us. That courageous part of us that that wants to give birth and support each other’s birth process. This is the ultimate creative act.
We are birthing and creating our higher selves. Be willing to receive. As … The more we receive the more we can give. Be open to give. It’s a circle where The receiving is giving and the giving is receiving when its done by choice… with daas elyon , higher consciousness. No ego / no control here in this space.
Just by being in this circle together, we are creating. How do we develop this awareness?
Maybe its meeting yourself with self compassion? Stopping and acknowledging what Im going through and holding space for that. Maybe its Snuggling up or looking into the eyes of your child, or your husband and creating a moment of the mutual awareness of the brochos in your life. To embraced your self and each other with gratitude. To know and to choose this opportunity for bracha at any given moment. To choose to flow with ratzon Hashem.
And in that moment of criticism, it is a creative act to overcome my will to submit to my natural thinking that what I created is an extension of me. My poem. My song. My food. My art. And when someone doesn’t like it, my default feeling is I’m bad or not good enough. To do a short tefilla called ratzo vshov. Use your dimyon, your imagination to climb up the ladder, Run to Hashem and ask “What is YOUR will here? What is Your ratzon? What am I meant to do with this because its clearly directed toward me.
So when my boss says, “it needs more pizzazz!” after working 3 days on a design… Hashem says, this is a great opportunity to connect to your calm inner voice. He is just a messenger to fix a certain midda. It has nothing at all to do with what I created.This is not such an easy thing to do. And it can be painful and uncomfortable. Does anybody care? Does anybody see me? Am I just nobody with people walking by and not seeing me?
Creatives have to find the light and connection by knowing that we may not be getting it from where we want to get it… but finding that we already have it… That’s the ratzo.
And then what happens ? You Shov, you return and then suddenly… You don’t need the compliments anymore. Its liberating!
When you are creating the seuda, the beautiful Shabbos table, a beautiful round challah… ask yourself, why am I creating?
This consciousness is a womans levush, her expressive art, and the essential beauty of the Risen woman.
This mutual knowledge, more than anything else, is the ultimate experience of intimacy. "to see and be seen and to know and be known".[Chavrusa]
We say on seder night:
וּמִשִּׁעְבּוּד לִגְאֻלָּה
and from servitude to redemption.
וְנֹאמַר לְפָנָיו שִׁירָה חֲדָשָׁה
And let us say a new song before Him. Listen with your heart!..
Rabbi Nachman says, Bina Liba. (motion: left ear, heart) This is the point where light meets vessel.
Bina Liba. This is the nexus point within us. Listen with your heart.
And just like at the time of the geula from Mitzrayim when we sang a new song, a Shira Chadasha
שִׁירָה חֲדָשָׁה שִׁבְּ֒חוּ גְאוּלִים:
With a new song the redeemed people praised Your Name
יַֽחַד כֻּלָּם הוֹדוּ וְהִמְלִֽיכוּ
All of them gave thanks in unison and proclaimed Hashem’s malchut
I conclude with a deep breath of gratitude (breath) to Rebbetzin Tamar for supporting all of us as we are Rising together in unison, finding our voice and rising into our crowns in this month of Elul, as we are preparing for Rosh Hashana for crowning Hashem Melech Malchei HaMelachim.
_________________________
With gratitude to my mashpiim:
Rebbetzin Tamar Taback, Shuli Kleinman, Reva Emunah Seidel, Rav Doniel Katz, Nechama Sarah Burgeman, Rabbi Yakov Labinsky, Liba Markson, Devorah Hadassah Lieberman, F. Brunner
________________________________
FROM THE CHAT BOX:
Your talk was so deep and touched the heart. This is the new direction as a teacher of the feminine Torah. You radiate this energy and have a unique quality of manifesting what we are all trying to reach.
- Rachel Bracha:
Rochel Leah Weiman is such a force of goodness for jewish women in this world
-Esther Leah Marchette
wow youre amazing! business painting garbage cans
I really think this is still an epic project - painting dark ugly areas
- Miriam Leah Gamliel
a creator is like a birther...A healthy person feels accomplished
your journey is a paradigm of what Yiddishkeit truly is: to discover our tafkid, to seek Hashm, to continously seek these.
-Dena
I want to listen to you all day, Rochel. Gentle Truth
-Michal Dembe
Hooray for graphic designers! :-)
-Robyn Shrater Seemann
You were creating human beings
-Miriam Leah
You became the creator of lives
-Tracy Carno
What a beautiful story Rochel Leah.. a journey
-Annie Orenstein, Spotlight On Women
I saw this miracle woman in action!!!
-Nechama Sarah
Rochel Leah your calm and pinimiut demeanor is inspiring . What @Shelly said.
-Miriam Leah Gamliel
humanness and holiness
-Esther Leah Marchette
OR MAKIF-beautiful imagery!
-Bracha Lieberman
Rochel Leah you are Malchus Yisroel!
-Tzirel Liba Mitzmann
ohr makif = crown!
-Tamar Taback
We are so blessed to have Rochel Leah living in Tzfat!!!! Thank you Rochel Leah for choosing our town!
-Malka Rachel
along on our journey, the more we incorporate additional (are they cymbals?) on our tambourine, the more we shed our ego, the more diamonds stud our personal and collective crown---what beautiful imagery today!!! shkoyach to all!!! xoxoox
-meira
Rochel Leah, words from your heart enter our hearts!
-Nechama Laber
So resonates
-Tracy Carno
this is a foundational process that is brought to us all from the Bal Shem Tov
( Chai Elul today ): Submission ... Hachnaah, Separation ... Havdallah, Sweetening ... Hamtakah
.... BH. we cycle through these stages all the time ... BH
- sara sand
Rochel Leah u r such a wonderful bat melech💕
- Henya Storch
Rochel you give so much just with your presence
- Esther Leah Marchette - ATARA
Mazal tov on your Aliyah and your words are sooo beautiful... I am touched
Annie Orenstein, Spotlight On Women
we woman are created to be creators, birthers
-Dena
Geula Doulas!
-Malka Rachel
every word - a precious gem!
-Tziona Solomons
Youi should record meditations! Your words and delivery are so soothing and healing
- Leah Bassett
tranquility hishtavut that's a new term for my vocabulary. Thank you.
- ziporah zien
this has shaped my elul!
- Shoshana
yes we are birthing our higher selves!
-Esther Leah Marchette -
Life Changing
-Annie Orenstein
yesterday brought incredible light and my energy completely shifted into a different place into real Elul
-devorah talia
You are giving me the tools to transform right now.
-Michal Dembe
reaching up...
- Bracha Lieberman
we are guides for others in the dark to the light
- shaindel
Program has moved me beyond some blocks and lit fire under my momentum
-Lealiza
Beautiful soul sister connection & inspiration
-Chana Devorah Schwartz
yes supporting others' birth is the greatest pleasure
-Esther Leah Marchette
Rl. Like a prophetess whispering to us
-Taibke Hyma
I'm writing! meeting my self with self-compassion.
hearing with the heart the nexus point.
- ziporah zien
Listen with your heart and speak from the heart!
You are speaking from your heart to ours. Thank you!!
-Malka Rachel
appreciating our brachos renews our connection to H, renewing our purpose
wonderful presentation. gentle. strong.
...focused on not only your own journey but a universal one. Your experiences & message resonated with many. Speak more! Brachos & hugs
- Dena Chava Lenefsky 💗
Thank you so much Rochel Leah! For helping me see deeper ways of creating… moments, by listening with our heart. Powerful
-Rebekah Brown
Thank you Rochel Leah! So beautiful to see this presentation.
You are such a beautiful soul and this was such a gorgeous presentation.
Sarah Leah Eklove
What a gift and you know how to give it to others!
- ziporah zie
Thanks, Rochel Leah, a powerful journey
- Bracha Lieberman
what a beautiful generous inspiring presentation. So powerful!!
-Sheila Barden
Thank you Rochel Leah, it was beautiful and inspiring
Thanks for sharing your heart and soul!
-Chana Devorah Schwartz
You are a true gift. I am moved to such a deep place every time I am guided by you.
-Michal Shelley Dembe
Gentle strength! Thank u!
-Taibke Hyman
Rochel Leah - Your presentation was stunning. Art in motion in voice, spirit and message. Thank you
-Aviva M.
Thank you, you have taken me deep into myself… you have a great koach…
-Margulies
Rochel Leah...beautiful
-Sarah Shapiro
Rochel Leah-I still haven't discovered anything you cannot do. You are so connected to the Ribono shel Olam!
-Nechama Sarah
It’s like Zot Hannukah
-Chava Rachel Saban
HashEm's ART
-Annie Orenstein
Just phenomenal
- Tracy Carno
thank you for being real and sharing your life
-Esther Leah Marchette
Gosh o have chills and feel Overwhelmed by all this! Stunning!
- Susan
Spiritual nutrition!!!
-Darcie Davida Giborah Nicole
From Rochel Leah Weiman to Everyone:
Rochel HaGedola... getting there ;)
you have the perfect name!… Rochel leah
-Tziona Solomons
ROCHEL LEAH!!! I'm BEYOND...
- Tzirel Liba Mitzmann
21:06:12 From Rochel Leah Weiman to Everyone:
Thank you. I’m deeply feeling your support and connection.
Elul Creativity Meditation
Based on a Shiur by Reva Emuna Seidel
https://www.kavconnect.com/elul-teshuvameditation
connecting to each other, connecting to our breath.
To be able to hold the paradox. Not judging your feelings of I cant do this. Just being with your authentic self and holding space for another at the same time. I am conscious of the moment and conscious of the fact that I can make this choice. The shechina consciousness that each person is singing their own song. with gentleness and with love and compassion, rachamim. Knowing hashem is with us in this circle and surrounding us and in the center all at the same time. No matter what im doing. Im creating my own song by doing this. Shir Chadasha. And it gives me strength to connect to this new song and be expansive, to shine this light to others around me. Singing their songs. And connecting to this pulse this flow of heartbeats and breaths, inhaling and exhaling and sharing this expansive space and connecting to this moment. As new ideas and creative expression flow around our vitual circle, that Rabbetzin Tamar has created here. We are the vessel hold the light. Opening our heart. That may feel constricted or covered with the klippot / layers, of patterns and our stories that tell us I’m not enough.
Connecting to the sweetness of this moment
And the rishimu, the impression of years of dipping the apple in the honey
Focusing on the split second
The point where the apple meets that honey.
We are tasting the sweetness. tesheva. Bringing us back home,
that’s hashivein hashem elecha
teshuva, Teshuv-hey tasting the sweetness in the space of constriction.
This elul
We are creating this new song.
choosing to be dancing with each other in this circle dance that’s happening now – on the level of the feminine and the masculine. With our imahos Sarah Rivka, Rochel and Leah existing within us
The dance of feeling, knowing and experiencing our authentic core self, each of us having our place in the circle, restoring joy and laughter, this is teshuva,
Rosh hashinui, we are transforming to our higher self. Do we go into fear when we are being ask to change or do we mee the challenge with sweetness? Find the joy embedded in the change, creating self in my authenticity in my truth. Balance and alignment in truthfulness and kindness rachamim inelul we are in this resorateive space.
My ratzon to be in this space of bechira, of choosing my consciousness state. take a few breaths
