Life Between the Sirens
#gamAni ... A Glimpse of Life In Tzfat
November 5, 2024
Laya Saul post on Facebook:
Dear friends, what would you do if you knew Iran is attacking tomorrow night? Surreal.
Rochel Leah (me): this really hit the core of my inner being and outer conversations with everyone I know these days... what my thoughts, speech and actions are about 24/7? My life has been in a constant state of back / forth (chash-mal) and up / down (ratzo-vshov).
ie. Flying back and forth from Tzfat / to the US. Walking up and down the staircase during the daily missile attacks ... is our *new normal*, since last year Oct 8 (it was quiet here on oct 7).
Ultimately my ultimate decision to stay here aligns with Laya's: "I never thought I would be in a position like this and have no desire to run away! (Anymore). Its too big and unknown for me to wrap my head around it. My refuge is Hashem / radical emunah... To grasp tight to the rope of Emunah. My friend Rivky said "💕Life is not about daily sirens but its about seeing miracles every day. All those times I am in my safe room during the booming... I contemplate the nisim / miracles happening in real-time. Its so awesome!"
Laya's response inspired me to share this post and my response following:
Leah: "Practically, stay home and snuggle up in the safe room. If u haven't got one and share a hallway with neighbors, *sleep in presentable clothes*!"
Reply: Pray and trust in Hashem’s ways that he will spread his wings of protection over his people Israel
Laya: Amen!!! That's pretty much my approach. ...and a quick shopping run to restock some things. xo
Reply: I couldn’t imagine that. My thoughts are with you.
Laya: Thanks! It's hard for me to wrap my brain around altogether! I feel like we're watching miracles of biblical proportion these days.
Reply: Any chance of going somewhere else safer, for a while?
Laya: what's interesting is that I don't really feel like there's anywhere safer in the world for me to be the right where I am. Seems that there are miracles of biblical proportion happening pretty much every day. So hard to wrap my head around all of it. I never thought I would be in a position like this and have no desire to run away! Big blessings!!!
Reply: Rest my nervous system as much as possible
Reply: Seems to be a question of the times - what does one do on their (potential) last night on earth (may we be protected and it not come to that). Practically, stay home and snuggle up in the safe room. If u haven't got one and share a hallway with neighbors, sleep in presentable clothes! May we and all of Am Yisrael baaretz remain safe!
Reply: Hope for miracles
There's no safe place. We live in a world 🌎 that has changed drastically in the past year Antisemitism is on the rise almost all over the world. Praying for Gods miracles ❤️💖💕
BTW having Ben and Jerry's in the freezer is not a bad idea at all as long as you can leave your safe room to go get the ice 🍨 cream 🍦
Reply: All I can really do is pray. Going on all fours under my elementary school desk the way we learned in NY wouldn't help.
MY RESPONSE
Rochel Leah: Since my return to Tzfat Erev sukkot) from being a displaced person for 6 weeks - both in the US and then the Mercaz (central Israel), I have barely left my home … maybe 3-4 times.
Sharing with you a few glimpses of my reality since Oct 7:
I don’t go for leisurely walks, to visit friends, shopping (only when absolutely a necessity), shul (except simchat Torah), etc.
Taking a shower: no time for leisure. I say a little prayer before the shower, that the siren doesn’t sound because it will take me more than 30 seconds to exit my home.
Every night before going to bed, I make sure I am covered presentably to run to the public stairwell and have at an accessible place at my bedside: my glasses, headcovering and phone.
Sharing my daily routine when hearing a siren / azaka (קולות):
We have sirens now sound on an average of 1x/daily.
Since we don't have a safe room in our apartment, I run to a shared stairway
I yell to my husband “Yakov?”,
I open the door and pray that they key doesn’t get stuck
With a split second reaction to run… I use all my self-control not to run or rush. (The safety committee in Tfzat told us the most dangerous thing you can do is rush, as most injuries happened because of rushing to a safe spot)
With conscious restraint, I walk briskly (but cautiosly) and descend a flight or 2 or 3 flights of steps. We are on the floor 8 and the maamad (safe room) is on floor 2. We have 30 seconds from the time the siren rings (both on the outside city alarms and the HomeFront App on my phone)
Till the Booms and explosions are heard and vibrations felt. Usually as I am descending the first flight down. 2.
We excuse ourselves with neighbors who have already found their “spot” to a lower rung of empty steps to sit and we sit and wait the 10 minutes, advised by the Homefront Command to clear any fallen debris from the missiles / interceptors
In the stairway, I’ve gotten to know my Israeli neighbors which comprise my entire (face to face) social life ;)
We look at each other. I try to muster up a 😊 smile, rise above my nature to go inside and say tehillim, meditate on the nisim happening, but I try to make eye contact, yes, even at midnight… , and say “Erev tov, baker tov, shabbat shalom…” to shine a little light in the space
There is no fear in the space. It is rather casual and routine.
Most people one the stairs are watching there phones, apps, determining the source of the alert, a missile a URA / drone. And texting friends and family of their status during this moment.
I have had the zechut / merit to be with some of my Tzfat mashpias, who I watch during the sirents. They are teaching me how to be Israeli, as this my first war (besides 9-11 when I was UNDER the tower as it was hit.)
I watch them utilize this time as an opportunity to say or sing verses of Tehillim, pray / meditate, connect to Hashem, acknowledge the Nissim / miracles and divine providence / of hashgacha pratit of whats happening at the moment “of biblical proportion”. They do not obsessively look at their phones… I try to emulate them and elevate the moment, creating light in the place of the outer chaos
I try to remember to breath and ascend the steps to my home,
I meditate on the words of Rav Doniel Katz, "don't force yourself up. ALLOW Hashem to bring you up!". Hashem is going to do the climbing. Rav said, “Ask permission for Hashem to take you to the next run. What is my next greatest block that I need to receive it? Trust that hashem will pour down the light on you to release it. Ask to be taken up the stairs, don’t climb them yourself.”
Ani Mekabel. I accept. I practice this spiritual acceptance on each run of the siren… (each fire drill, but for this time we are not in elementary school “We are not in New England anymore” ;)
Neighbors joke, אנחנו עושים תרגילי ספורט / at least we are getting our exercise!"
Yes, both on a physical level (as we dont go to exercise classes or to the gym anymore) and on a spiritual level we were climbing to a higher spiritual realm called Keter, which is harmonizing polarities.
I contemplate the teachings of Sarah Yehudit Schneider of being in constant motion up down / Ratzo vShov and back forth Chash-mal energy. This has been my existence and the forced activation of these movements is shifting our consiousness, lifting us out of our slumber/ tardeima.
After many explosions, there is the following smell of smoke. If not, I inhale/exhale the fact that I am still alive, with gratitude to the Borei / Creator, the Chayie HaChayoot
All of our forefathers and mothers had to encounter and face extremely unpleasant experiences, constriction and darkness… their response was: radical emunah... this is precisely where the light of moshiach came forth and WILL come forth. Bimheirah byameinu
Nov 7, 6 Cheshvan 5785
In Tzfat, friends get together and share siren stories.
My friend R. said today, when people ask me why am I here or why don’t you come back to the States to wait out this war, I tell my children and friends in America:
Every time there is a siren, i contemplate the great wonders nisim and niflaot Hashem is doing for us. Every siren raises me up from one level to the next. In the beginning of the war, I used to shake with fear. Yes we agreed, the emunah has gone from theoretical in our head, to our hearts. Not there is even no more fear in our heats. Now we have to bring it to a body, somatic level of hishtavut, equanimity in the body, that even when a siren wrings I will not feel any anxiety in my body. ie. I was feeling my legs shake often times in the staircase. We need to GET IT IN OUR BONES. So that Hashem doesnt have to keep sending us these reminders that he is Real!
I tell them life is so beautiful here in Tzfat. Its a glorious day. What, am I going to let a moment of sirens overpower the greatness and beauty and miracles of me being here in Eretz Yisrael. This is my home and the reason why we are here and our enemies haven’t eliminated us is because Hashem wants us here!.
If we knew just how much weapons they have amassed at our border. We are getting some idea. Killing Jews is their profession and they are failing.
BH.
2 years of covid isolation / bidud was the first step of going into a constricted space in order to find the light. A time when I learned how to stay home for the first time in my life.
We didnt get it. We went back to “Normal”.
This time period is a bit different because now we need to go into a safe place, and still connect to Hashem and pray the protected space will actually protect you. Its like a circle with a dot in the center. Covid era as staying within the cirle. this war is going deeper and deeper to the center, the nekuda pnimit (to the Kedosh haKedoshim, our hearts. She said. Yes, Hashem is going to keep giving us reminders… and until we really get it, in our bones, in our whole being, we are still going to get these reminders.
She said Rav Yitzchak Abuchatzeira of Tzfat said that Tzfat is protected. I continue to daven he is completely corrent. Hashem Please watch over Am Yisrael.
This morning Elisheva said.,
We are in the chrysalis, there has to be a full breakdown of all parts before we can emerge again in our beauty.